A Woman's World

Double Standards in Relationships

Posted on: August 18, 2010

So I wrote a paper on this back during my freshmen year of college, but I wanted to go into a little more depth on the topic.  I actually found out some ineresting things while doing research.

There are a ton of double standards between men and women.  Since I am a female, I, of course, will take the female’s point of view on this issue.  I especially notice this double standard in relationships.  Since I have been in a relationship, I believe I have the authority to speak on the subject.  I am going to make every attempt to keep this conversation PG but there are also some R rated subjects that come to mind in this area.

To better understand my points of view I must illustrate the scenario first:

A man and woman have been in a relationship on and off for two years.  Met in college and since then, the man has graduated while the woman is still finishing up her undergrad.  Both can be very jealous people.  The man has a short and very bad temper, while the woman is very emotional and may sometimes make a small situation a big one.

Double Standard #1 – The man wants the woman to stop conversing with some of her male friends, but when he is asked to do the same thing, he gives her an attitude.  Men and women are very jealous creatures.  Men hate when their women have male friends because they are insecure, and they fear that whatever they aren’t doing right, another man would do for their women.  In asking their women to not talk to certain men shows that they are intimidated by the other men, and they know that all women yearn for is to be treated with love and respect.

Double Standard #2 – He asks her to put pictures up of him on her facebook or twitter but he refuses to do it.  Women love broadcasting when they have man because they are proud to have found someone who is not only willing to put up with, but someone who accepts their flaws.  Women are very self-conscious creatures, and when they find a man who accepts them despite their flaws, they do everything they can to keep the man around.  An example being facebook and twitter.  Women will put up pictures on top of pictures of her and her man or just pictures of just her man, and that’s what men want.  They want to see their face on her webpage because they know when men see it, they won’t make a move.  However, when women ask their men to do the same, they don’t want to do it.  Men don’t like the attention that these type of pictures brings to them and they don’t like comin off to their peers as being “whipped” or “soft,” yet they get mad when a woman decides that she doesn’t want to post pictures as well.

Double Standard #3 – She can’t go out with her friends, but he can.  Men always overreact when women decide they want to “hit the streets” with their friends.  They don’t like having the view in their head that their woman could possibly be pursued by another man, and take advantage of the opportunity because it presents itself.  However, little do they know, women will never cheat or disrespect their man if they know they’re the center of their world.  A man who worries about their woman while their out with their friends knows that deep down, he’s not treating his woman right and may need to make some changes.

Double Standard #4 – He wants her to claim him as her boyfriend, but he does not claim her and even explains to her that they are not in a relationship.  He breaks up with her and explains to her that they are not in a relationship, but he still wants her to tell others that he is her boyfriend.  Any man that does this simply doesn’t want to be with her, but he also doesn’t want her with anyone else.

Double Standard #5 – She has just as many or more sexual partners as him, but he does not want her because of it.  Men are known for their sexual relationships to be a little more open and wild than women.  Women are considered “ho’s” when they sleep with 5 guys, but men are not when they have sex with 15 women.

Why is the double standard against women bigger than the double standard against men?  Both men and women are insecure and jealous creatures, but let’s all admit, men are just as much in the wrong as women.

So what do you think a double standard is?  After speaking with Joi Troutman, a senior Public Relations major from New Jersey, she gave me this definition: “double standards are for those trying to justify their actions by placing self-superiority on themselves, gender, or group.”  What you think?  I agree.  Women are penalized more for their actions because men believe they have a “right” to do or say the things they do.

And that’s where the problem comes in.  Yes… men are wrong, and what’s funny is they KNOW they’re wrong, but that doesn’t seem to change their ways.  Then again though, all men are not the same.

Let’s take my father for instance, a man who has been married to my mother for 27 years.  I have never seen them argue in the 21 years I have been around.  I think the main reason is because my father has a mature state of mind, and he does whatever he can to make sure my mother is smiling.  After asking him questions regarding double standards, he told me that he believes double standards still exist, and that they will always exist because younger people in relationships are starting to become more serious in their relationships, and they are too immature to handle the commitment and trust that comes with a relationship.  He also described that younger people bring these insecurities into their relationships as they grow older, and never have the mature state of mind until later in their life.

After I asked him whether or not he would respect a woman who had as many or more sexual partners than him, he said, “I wouldn’t respect her depending on how many partners I had.  It wouldn’t bother me if we had the same amount of partners because I wouldn’t ask to find out that type of information.  If I’m the only one she’s having sex with at the time of our relationship, then that’s all that matters.  Her past is irrelevant.”

He also believes that double standards are applied more to women than men because men have a motto, “I do what I want, you do what I tell you.”  He described how he believed that men think they are superior to women, so they hold women more accountable for their actions than themselves, even the man is doing the same thing as the woman.

The problem with double standards these days is that it all begins with insecurities present in the relationship.  In a relationship, the double standard can only exist if the man/woman allows their partner to do what they want.  For example, if a man cheats on his girlfriend, and she takes him back, that is sending him a message that what he did had no consequences.  Men, however, in the same situation, would have dumped the woman without a second thought.

Relationships require sacrifices, and in my opinion, double standards occur when many people in relationships cannot get out of the mode of what they used to do or like doing, even when their partner may ask them to stop doing what they do not like.

I added a video of a few of my friends having a casual conversation about double standards.  Tell me what you think of their personal perceptions.  I, personally think this is the reason why relationships don’t last… because of perceptions such as these.  Take a look.


3 Responses to "Double Standards in Relationships"

This is a really interesting post. I enjoyed reading it and can relate to your examples.

Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to read it! Please do come back! I’ll have more coming in the next 24 hours. 🙂

Well, sure, these are double standards (he’s clearly holding her to a different standard than himself), but I don’t even think that’s the main issue here. This man doesn’t have respect for this woman. End of story. And unless he holds himself to the same standards, this will never work.

Just my two cents!

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