Dating the Friend’s Ex
Posted on: August 20, 2010
I know this can be a touchy subject, but I wanted to voice my opinion on it anyways. You can comment where need be. So I think dating your friend’s ex is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE. I know sometimes we are unable to turn an attraction to someone off like a light switch, but come on… you’re friend’s ex? In my opinion, this is a line that should never be crossed. Sure, you can SILENTLY be attracted to your friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend [if you’re a guy], but when/if they break-up doesn’t give you the okay to pursue the person. I think it is extremely disrespectful. Just because you’re attracted to the person doesn’t mean you need to act on that feeling.
Let’s give an example, and this can go for both men and women. You’re friend is dating this person who you believe:
- is EXTREMELY attractive
- deserves better because your friend just isn’t doing their job, in your opinion
- is your type
You try to be extremely friendly and outgoing with this person without making it seem flirtatious, and you love the company of this person. Of course, as time passes, your friend and this person potentially break up because of the many differences they were face in their relationship.
Months [maybe even years] pass…
And you see this person again, looking exactly as you remember them. Sexy, fun, outgoing… all of the above. You strike up a conversation just to see how they’re doing. The one thing you should not do, as the man in this situation, is ask the lady out on a date. Now, let’s be realistic… you’re still best friends with her ex, and you already know how ugly things could get if he found out about any possible intimate interaction. So why even go there? You know you’re wrong and you know the consequences. Remove yourself from a bad situation by simply reminding yourself that it just WON’T work.
Now, if you’re the woman in this situation, you already know to decline the offer. Not only would you’re friend completely disown you, but you know how much this guy meant to her, despite the differences they ran into or the way she treated him. You can’t have everything you want. Don’t put yourself in a situation that could not only end bad, but ruin your reputation in the process.
Plus, who wants sloppy seconds? That just isn’t a good look for you.
So, be smart and be a friend. As the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and this fish is off limits. I’ve always been one who is big on morals and values, and I would never be one to date my friend’s ex. I wouldn’t even date them if we stopped being friends. It just doesn’t look good… especially when there are so many more options to choose from. Why go after the one option you know could potentially break you? Not a smart idea if you ask me…
Have you ever dated your friend’s ex? Or have you ever had a friend’s ex potentially interested in you? What did you do? Do you think it is right to go this route?
Let me know!
5 Responses to "Dating the Friend’s Ex"
August 20, 2010 at 12:56 pm
I don’t think that’s ever okay.
It shows how little you value your friend.
There may be some rare exceptions, but not many.
August 20, 2010 at 2:24 pm
I completely agree, but I think there should be a distinction made between an ex that someone was officially dating and an ex that someone was just “talking” to. Now I wouldn’t talk to either of the exes, but I have heard people say they would talk to someone their friend used to “talk” to, depending on how casual or serious the talking was and how many people your friend has been known to talk to. Lets face it (not trying to bring it back to a small population, but this is what I know), HU is small and the male population is even smaller, so you’re bound to meet someone that one of your friends used to talk to once upon a time.
Also, I don’t think males have any problems trying to talk to one of their exes friends, but i’m pretty sure they would have an issue if one of their friends tried to get with their ex so that’s just wrong on their part. Girls ussually know you can’t talk to an exes friends because you’d be seen as a “homie hopper” (haha) but if the guy did the same thing the girls would most likely get upset with each other MORE or JUST AS MUCH as they would get upset with the guy.
Ok i’m done! Good post Sha’Ron nice way to start off my day
August 20, 2010 at 2:40 pm
I’d have to say I agree with you. “Talking” to someone is definitely not the same thing, though I still wouldn’t do it in that situation either. Some people don’t mind that. I would never do it and I would never be okay with anyone doing it to me, but I can definitely feel you!
Glad I could inspire!
A Woman's World 
August 20, 2010 at 12:44 pm
I have read 2 of your blogs, it is unbelievable how you disrespected men in both of them. Not that you are not saying good things to women, and inspirational, but get a sense of reality here girl, not every men is a bad person.
On the topic of dating a ex, I am not saying I am innocent, I dated my ex girlfriend bestfriend. Yeah, it didnt work, coz I kept comparing the two, which lead me to your other blog “He will be back”. Yeah I felt like going back, but there was no way back for me. So I saved the embarressment and I moved on. I am not saying what I did was acceptable, but yeah her bestfriend came on to me (not pulling an excuse) and I should have been strong to say NO. I learnt from my mistake.
But on your post, you keep painting us as monsters. What is up with that? Dont you ever make mistakes? On your post about “he will be back” was the same thing, you keep saying he will be back because he screwed up, have you ever stop to think that maybe she was in the wrong, maybe the differences were too much and now circunstances have changed. Maybe he did everything wrong, but he wants a second chance because he changed and he realized how bad he messed up. Come on cut us some slack here.
I have a blo were I discuss love, men and women fault, I would love to tag your posts from the women perspective, spread the word, but I cant if you are murdering every single men soul out there.
August 20, 2010 at 4:48 pm
To each his own.. You’re entitled to your own opinion, but I wasn’t ATTACKING men. And I stated that what I was saying wasn’t true for all men. Of course, you wouldn’t agree because you’re not a female.. everything I post is strictly from a female’s perspective. But like I said.. you’re entitled to your opinion.
Nonetheless, I appreciate the feedback!